


He's Happy Now

by Jelliebean71



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide, this is not a happy story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-19 17:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1477201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jelliebean71/pseuds/Jelliebean71
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is depressed and decides to end himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tony took a swig of whatever alcohol he had decided to grab that day and dismantled his razor.  He quickly struggled to get his clothes off and gently grasped the blade, pressing it to his hip and slashing across it.  Blood welled to the surface after a moment, signaling to his foggy brain that he hadn’t gone deep enough, if it took that long for the blood to appear.  He angrily cut another line above it, sighing as he felt the burn.  He slashed one more sloppy line before placing the blade on the counter and sitting against a wall in the shower.  The water wasn’t turned on, but it made cleanup easier in the long run. 

He pressed his cheek to the tile and blew out a puff of air, enjoying how his vision temporarily swam before settling itself out.  He slowly leaned over and snatched the bottle back up, draining its contents with a few swallows.  He leaned on the side that wasn’t slashed to hell and rested there, humming to himself as his mind quieted from the constant numbness of depression.  His eyes were closed as he dozed off, slightly shivering from the cold, but it was nothing he hadn’t dealt with before.

He woke up when the door to his room slammed open and Steve called in to the room, asking where he was.

Tony panicked, before settling down and calming himself.  With a steady voice, he said back, “I’m in here.  I was just about to get in the shower.  Stay out there.” He didn’t need anyone knowing about his instability.

“Alright.  I’ll just be out here, okay?” Steve mumbled, but Tony could hear him perfectly.  The door to the bathroom was open and Steve was standing just barely outside of it.  His shoulder was pressed against the wall as he glanced in and saw a small speck of blood that had dripped on the floor.  He didn’t say anything, just walked over to Tony’s bed and sat on it.  He curled up on his side after a moment, keeping his back to the bathroom door to give Tony privacy.  Steve had no right to have seen blood in the floor and jump to such a drastic conclusion.  The blood could have been from a shaving cut or Tony could’ve fallen and bumped into something sharp.  Tony dealt with metal every day, so it wasn’t surprising that he had bled.

But no, when Tony came out of the bathroom, he was limping.  That wasn’t normal for him – he never showed pain, whether it be a broken limb or bruised shoulder.  He grabbed some clothes and slipped them on when Steve trained his eyes on the pillow under him.  He was afraid of what he would see if he looked up.

Tony crawled on the bed behind Steve and wrapped his arm around his torso.  Steve turned over in Tony’s grip, leaning in to kiss his nose.

“Can you please tell me what’s going on?” Steve asked, becoming teared up when he saw exactly what was coming next.

“Just stay out of it.  I have to deal with this myself.” Tony was avoiding Steve’s eyes as he gave him a sad, desperate smile and Steve knew that he had just been shut down.  There was no way of getting anything out of Tony now.

Steve tensed up in Tony’s loosened grip before relaxing and cupping Tony’s cheek.  He knew he had no right to push Tony on this, so he wasn’t going to.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony wiggled out of Steve’s hold after he fell asleep and slipped out of bed.  He made his way back to the bathroom as he wondered how much Steve knew.  If Steve was positive that Tony was cutting himself, he would have said something, Tony was sure.  That meant that he had either noticed Tony’s depression, or he had seen something that had made him suspicious.  Tony wasn’t exactly hiding his sadness, but he was also sloppy and unpredictable when he cut.  It was probably both, then.  It was just as well – he knew he would have to take "the coward’s way out" sometime, so why not now?  It was as great a time as any, with the underlying threat of being discovered and sent for “help” haunting him now.

Tony slipped back into his bathroom and closed the door, twisting the lock as an afterthought.  He gathered up the blades from the day before and threw all of them away, except for the one he had originally used.  He reached into the cabinet and down a handful of oxycodone, following them with water from the faucet before deciding to get some whiskey.  He slipped out of the rooms and to his personal minibar, grabbing the best bottle he had and popping the top before returning to the bathroom and locking the door again.  He took a large gulp, then decided to down half of it.  The burn helped settle him so he could think again.  He grabbed the razor blade from the counter again and slit a line down the artery that was on his wrist, feeling as soon as it was severed and only having a few seconds to panic before a feeling of fulfillment settled over him.

The blade clanked into the sink and that must have woken Steve up because now he was at the door, knocking and asking if Tony was okay.  All that Tony could say in response was a gurgled “I’m in here” before he slumped over and Steve wrenched the door open.

“Oh, shellhead, what were you thinking?” Steve asked, softly.  Tony rested against the wall and Steve went to his side. “If this is what you want, then I’ll let you have it, okay?  I only want you to be happy.” Steve sat down and pulled Tony in his lap, blood already seeping onto his clothes as it dripped from Tony’s arm.

“I love you so much, Tony.  Just remember that, okay?  I love you so much and this doesn’t change anything for us.” He leaned down and kissed Tony, Tony’s lips weakly responding as his body relaxed in preparation its death.  Tony used what was left of his strength to grab Steve’s hand, pulling it to his lips and mouthing “I love you” into the knuckles.  Steve leaned back down to kiss him once more before he slipped into unconsciousness.  Steve felt Tony’s pulse until it was no longer there, engulfing Tony into his large arms and wailing, a large, painful shout, before slumping over Tony’s dead body.  There would be no need to cry, he told himself.  Tony would be happy now.  Steve’s body chose to rebel from his mind, though, and tears welled into his eyes and dripped down his face.  He screamed and slammed his head against the wall, enjoying the way his vision swam.  He did it again and felt extremely dizzy.  He gave one more hard slam and his skull cracked, effectively knocking himself unconscious.

At some point, Pepper came up, going into the room and gasping as the papers she held in her hand scattered into the bathroom floor.  She rushed over to Steve and Tony, feeling them for their pulses and only finding Steve’s weakened one.  She snatched her phone from her pocket and called for an ambulance.

She made her way to the tower entrance and directed the EMTs to Tony’s floor.  When she got back upstairs, they had Steve lifted onto a stretcher and Tony wrapped in a body bag and didn’t that just make everything seem more real?  She let out a soft sob and went over to Steve, grasping his hand in hers and keeping out of the way of men carrying him.  He groaned as his head was jostled, so they moved more swiftly and made sure to be steadier.  Steve was mumbling when they got on the ambulance - soft words that didn’t make sense until he cried “Tony!” and Pepper held his hand tighter as his eyes snapped open.

“Tony’s not here, Steve.  I’m sorry.” Pepper whispered.

“He wanted it, it’s okay.  He wanted it.” He murmured, pulling his hand from Pepper’s and curling on his side.

“He’s happy now.” Steve whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> (Shitty work is shitty)


End file.
